The Blessings of Autism

The topic of autism as a blessing is one I have given so much thought to since the very first time the doctor told us she suspected our child may be on the spectrum. Having a child with a disability effects every person and family so differently. But for me it has been a process, a journey with different phases of acceptance. It truly is the same process as any loss, one must travel through stages of denial, anger, grief, hope, despair... and sometimes all of those are in one single day! And with any life change, outside factors such as family and friend support, resources (very dependent on where one lives), and what else is going on in life play a part in this process.

For me, I was less than a year into the adjustment of adopting 3 brother in addition to our own two kids, a huge move, family stress, financial struggles and my own health issues. Needless to say I was not in the most ideal place for the heavy weight of an autism diagnosis, but really who ever is?? And three and a half years down the road I would be lying if I said I have processed all the emotions and everyday is sunshine and hope. I worry about the future, I worry about independence, I worry what will happen if I was not here for him, I worry about things I cannot control like medicaid and politics and decisions that would have huge impacts on his life. But even in the daily worry, I have started seeing the beauty too. My son is one of the most amazing people, even if I am biased in that opinion:). He fights harder than anyone I know, he is relentless and never gives up, he has un abandoned joy, he doesn't worry about what others think (I can't even begin to imagine how freeing that must be). He feels deeper than any child I know. He gives the best hugs. He loves his family and his brothers so much. He expresses happiness in the most raw and unfiltered way I have ever witnessed in this world, in a way I can only imagine we will all express true joy when then weight of this world is behind us. He is so silly and he loves to make people laugh. I could continue, the list is truly endless, but that is not for today's post.

But to say autism is a blessing is something I have always struggled with. It came to a head this week after multiple social media posts about the blessing of autism, or how we need to stop trying to 'fix' autism as it is not something wrong with people. And that is hard for me because of so many reason. Autism effects our family, it effects every aspect of life. But most of all, it makes every little think so hard for Josh. It means things like birthday parties, trips to the playground, school, friends and most other areas are stressful and a struggle for him.

Here is the problem, autism is a spectrum... it is literally as vast and different as pretending that you can sum up all blondes as the same because they have the same hair color. We all see the ludicrousness of that statement, every person regardless of hair color is so different. Well so is autism. We use the word spectrum, yet we often forget how very different the two ends of that are, and everywhere along the way. So to say that all parents of autistic children should view it the same and have the exact same feelings is likewise absurd. But I used to always think that those who viewed autism as a blessing had children on the higher end of the spectrum, and those who do not see it as a blessing had the children on the lower or more severe end of the spectrum. Now there may be some truth to this, lets face it if you are the parent of one of the TV's detection of someone with autism (who must be a certifiable genius with some quirks) sure you can see the blessing of how